hung over but not hung up

I woke up one morning from a nightmare and was greeted into reality with a splitting headache and the feeling of someone tearing my insides out. The sunlight pouring through the window was like salt pouring into the open wound that were my eyes; forcing me to curl up into a little ball covered in my sheets making me look like a snail. I could feel my heatbeat in my forehead and I could hear my own silent screams of dispair. The air was filled with the perfume of alcohol permeating through sweat stained skin... Another terrible hangover. My hands searched without eyes for my cellphone that must have been strewn across my mattress just beyond the safety of my blanket. Finding it with my fingertips, I pulled it into the darkness of my cave of fabric, its soft light illuminating the darkness I had created and showing me the time...12noon... No new messages.

It was the wine. I got suckered into drinking more than I should have and now I'm paying the price. Funny how it always makes me feel empty the day after. My mouth felt like a mouthful of dust like I had been kissing a sandcastle being washed away by the sea. I put my fingertips to my forhead and felt the clamminess of my own hands like the first time I reached out to touch her. I coughed up the taste of menthol cigarettes and the bitter taste of wine gone bad mixed with bile... Not a good taste to be left with. I wish I wish I wish... I closed my eyes and cursed myself for being so greedy... I fell asleep and dreamed of ships sailing in a distance and sunsets in the forefront. I could feel the wind blowing westward seemingly taking me away to somewhere I'd rather be, somewhere I belong. And I can't help but surrender to this unburdening...

I wake... its 5pm. No new messages. My head still hurts, my insides still feel shredded, I'm still hurting. But the pain has dulled considerably. I thirst. By sheer will I get up and into the shower, Perhaps the hot water will wash away my the smell of her from my skin. I brush my teeth to get that bitter taste out of my mouth and leave me feeling brand new. I need to start fresh. I towel off and grab my pedialite from the fridge... A sommelier's words of wisdom- When the going gets rough, its time to treat yourself like a baby. Hahahahaha. *sigh... Back to baby steps my boy... I look at the bottles on the dining room table before me... Not tonight I need to detox I tell myself. But then again its Friday night and I'm too young for this shit. I can hear Julian's rendition of an old Usher song playing in my head... You know the best way to cure a hangover is to keep on drinking... I pull out a glass and pour myself a drink. I look at my phone 7pm no new messages. I turn it off... I'm going to be fine tonight. I put on my clothes and head out the door, NYC calls.