Punch Drunk Love

I didn't want to get out of bed today. My throbbing head ached from the pains of too many nightmares coupled with too little sleep. I cracked the corners of my eyes open just to make sure that I wasn't going to be blinded by the midday sun but when I saw that it was a gloomy spring day my heart sunk. I was slow to rise today. I felt like I went one too many rounds with her and she's holding a grudge. A little stiff, a little sore, and alot of pain.

I looked over at my cell phone to see that the battery had died. I must have been talking to her in my sleep again. I hope I didn't speak too much of the truth last night I told myself as I plugged it into the charger and tried to get on my feet. I fumbled through the clothes on my floor for a pair of flip flops that matched and reconciled with the fact that I'd have to walk to the bathroom barefoot. My door squeaked as I opened it; a sound made by the cheap paint rubbing up against eachother on a door that was too big for its frame. I looked out into a living room covered with leopard print and thought that today wouldn't be a bad day to die.

Then there was the bathroom. The damn thing looks like a closet with a toilet in it. I closed the door behind me and entered a claustrophobic's nightmare. As I lifted the porcelain seat with one hand I turned on the shower with my other. The splattering of semi-warm water on my shoulder sent shivers up my spine and urine all over the toilet seat. Ahhh... its going to be one of those days... I took my tooth brush into the phone booth sized shower and pulled the curtains shut. Somehow I banged every part of my body on every side of the the booth. I must have sounded like I was being murdered in there with all the groaning and cursing... A few minutes later I started to feel a little more alive, or maybe a little less dead.

I sprinted back into my room after realizing that I forgot to bring a towel or a change of clothes. I just hope my flatmate didn't catch a glimpse of a shimmering naked asian man darting across the hall. That would have been the icing on the cake for me. I collapsed on my deflated air mattress feeling so fresh and so clean, yet so out of the game. And its not even past 1:30pm I told myself...

I rolled over belly up like a dead gold fish but this is where I made the change. I closed my eyes and imagined all I have to do today. One more day, I told myself. It sounded more like one more round. You'll wear her down, she can't keep this up... I just have to want it more, Fight smart, and above all use my heart.

I sat up eyes still closed and pictured the last few days. Beautiful they were though it hurt. Nevertheless its the pain that makes it real, its the pain that tells me I'm alive. And I should take it and drink it dry. I'm alive. I stood up ready for more of the same. But everyday I get up I get one step closer to the end. I'm not looking for a knockout, I'll settle for the decision. One more day I told myself as I opened my eyes and I could still see her before me. I'll take it one round at a time and when the bell rings, win or lose I know I wasn't beaten.

Love is one big fight.