The Fellowship of The Spatula

People never seem to notice how kitchens everywhere are run by the Mexican Mafia. Waiters and managers give them little regard since they speak little or no english and have a job that is less glamorous then theirs. What seems to have slipped passed their bloated egos is that the food ultimately makes or breaks the restaurant. My kitchen bretheren are starting to take notice if they haven't already. Now is the "Time of The Kitchen"- where the cooking staff can say no to everyone and nobody can do anything. I've seen them do it in other restaurants and I think this trend is more than a fad. This very well could be "The Dark Ages of the Culinary Arts" if they so wanted it to be. Being the chummy guy that I am, I've always taken a liking to the kitchen staff. They work long stressful hours in front of a hot grill, stove, oven, salamander, or salad station with little ventilation and even less human contact.

Watching them put together a dish is like watching an Indy 500 pit stop. The precision, the timing, the team work. It's beautiful. What's not to admire?

Everything is orchestrated. One small mishap- Someone forgot to put the temperature on a steak, someone forgot to leave out the onions- any minor glitch and the whole system can come crashing down like doomsday. (Not a pretty sight)You have to show these guys some respect. They deserve it. I've taken it a step further- I show these guys love. Over the years I've been learning spanish. All of the spanish I've learned in fact, I've learned in the kitchen. I'll come in when it's busy and ask them how they're doing, if they need a drink- anything. We'll joke around about how their mothers and sister's are my whores or what not. (These are popular "bonding points" in the kitchen. Strange but true.)I've actually been inducted into their secret society. One day I asked a line cook for some grub as I was so hungry. To which he responded by handing me a huge raw jalapeno pepper. "You hungry? You have to be a Mexican to get food. If you have hunger, eat this." I knew this was a test, a test I could not afford to fail. I love jalapeno peppers. I love anything spicy, besides I was so hungry I'd eat anything. He didn't know that. But for theatrical effect I feigned the desire to try such a respectably spicy vegetable. Just when he was about to take the jalapeno away in disgust, I took two and ate them whole right before his eyes without flinching! From then on I got to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Every restaurant has an initiation. That was mine in French Roast. Not so bad. Here's a look at what I had to eat for some respect at Pigalle

Looks bad? Tastes like fish. That is a roasted Peruvian Cane Rat- a delicacy in South America. I walked into the kitchen late one night and found them roasting a few of them. Curious I asked them what they were eating. They laughed. They told me I wouldn't like their food. I told them I am the Asianic Mexican and so they stepped aside just enough for me to see what they had on their plates... "Hmmm I definitely bit off more than I'd want to chew this time," I thought to myself. While I was contemplating where I'd want to barf.

My Jefe, the main man Roman asked, "You want to try Rojo? Let's see if you are a true Mexican." There was no backing down to that, so I ate it and again I got treated like royalty.

Now I work for Oscar at HK, he's my new "Jefe". Slightly older than most of the chefs I've worked for, Oscar is a master of french cuisine. He has an uncanny ability to fuse french with asian influences. Because of this we have something to talk about in the kitchen. He displays his culinary deft, and I give him some asian insight that he can't find in books. Despite his jovial disposition and our great working and non-working relationship, I am preparing myself for my next initiation. Hopefully it won't be anything like Alison's trial by fire...

Hahahahahaha! What ever it is I'll have to eat, my stomach is ready because when push comes to shove and you need the kitchen, its better they look at you as family then as a stuck up puta madre.