Never Have I Ever...

Have you ever heard of the game "Never Have I Ever"? Its a drinking game that normally finds its way into a group horny drunk highschool kids and people who've hit their mid 30's and want to gauge just how bad they've been.

Last night a group of gorgeous Brits came marching into the restaurant and made camp in my section of the floor. It was like manna from heaven. seven beautiful London girls with their cute little accents and a knockout from North Carolina with her sultry southern drawl. They drew so much attention with their doll like features and their decidedly european fashion sensibility. They ordered dinner and a couple bottles of white wine which did very little but whet their palate for more alcohol. (a bottle of wine holds enough for 4 glasses of wine) After dinner they enjoyed a couple rounds of cocktails, mojitos, margaritas... the whole nine yards. By the time they were ready to leave they had spent almost $300... not much considering they were eight people, but they were pretty enough and spent enough for me and Alex (my other boss) to send over a "few" rounds of drinks.

We couldn't let these girls go off to some other bar on such a slow night- it would have been morally wrong! So playing the party instigator that I am, I had those little birds downing shot after shot after shot... Each round making them shed more and more of their inhibitions, each round making them act less proper. To be honest I think I gave them too much as towards the latter part of the night they were more like gremlins with english accents. Yes they were still ridiculously cute, but they were noisy and almost out of control. Their charming little giggles turned into cackles and their victorian countenance was beaten down by the cockney whore in them. At one point I found myself listening in on their conversation and I heard one girl mention that they should play "Never Have I Ever" My ears perked up and I tuned out the rest of the restaurant and the Yankees/Red Sox game that had everyone else enthralled.

Never Have I Ever is a drinking game where in you say "Never have I ever..." and then add on a sexual exploit that you might have or might not have done. If anyone at the table has done the stated exploit, they must drink a shot or take a gulp of their cocktail. So I listened in and tried not to smile or look at them as they went around the table.

"Never have I ever had sex with two guys at one time" says one. Two girls down their shots. "Do you mean a threesome?" asks another. "Yes" says the first. OOops make that four girls down their shots. I think I like this game!

"Never have I ever gone down on a girl" says the next girl... One girl takes a drink. Everyone kinda looks at her like they weren't expecting it. "She shrugs her shoulders and says, "Oh bugger off, I was drunk and curious and it was in highschool! Besides you wenches wouldn't even be my type!" They began to cackle again and it sounded like bats shrieking out of a cave.

So girl after girl made their comments until they were on their second round of proclaimations. By this time I didn't even conceal my efforts to listen in, I stood right behind them laughing along with them. I even took a few drinks here and there. Then an innocent looking little brunette in the middle of the table took her glass and raised it up. With a commanding presence she somehow got not only the attention of the table but of the entire half of the restaurant as she stood up and stated boldly and all too clearly, "Never have I ever had sex with a relative!" She smiled at everyone and then drank up the remainder of her drink in one fantastic gulp and sat down looking at everyone else's glass. No one else touched their drinks. I'm assuming no one else ever had sex with a relative. The restaurant was so quiet you could hear the sound of a starving guest's stomach on the other side of the room. The look on people's faces were of shock, disgust, and disbelief. Then almost as if it were manipulated by a masterful director, the juxtapose snapped back into the scene and six English girls and one from North Carolina stormed down the stairs to the bathroom to vomit.

Feeling embarrassed for her drunken revelation, the girl decided to down the remaining drinks on the tabel and stumbled out into the night, but not before puking in front of the restaurant in full view of all our patrons (HK is made of steel and glass, you can see the entire block.) It was a terrible sight to see such a pretty woman, dressed so nicely squatting outside on the corner of a busy street in front of a nice restaurant puking her guts out with the wind blowing her mohoganny brown hair into the strings of saliva that seemed to anchor her to the curb. She kept this pose just long enough for her friends to pay the check and get her out of there. The last I saw of them, they were dragging her home, her heels scrapping down the sidewalks and a trail of vomit littered the streets so that she may find her way back here another day and walk on by, trying to forget the embarrassment she caused herself and the little asian man that fed her frenzy.