The Long Ride Home

I didn't have a plan, not even something that resembled one. All I knew is that Regina dreads the long hours spent on the train late at night, and I desperately needed to be alone with her, where no one could listen in on our conversation and put meaning into this and cheapen the meaning of that... I needed time to see if we could stand being alone together, to see if she was really all I've imagined her to be. So I pulled strings to get off work early and with the confidence that belied my frayed nerves I asked, no I told her I'd bring her all the way home to the Bronx. It worked.
I found myself following her through the dark streets of midtown. It is around this hour that the city is starting to fall quiet, with only the tourists and late night revelers roaming the sidewalks. The sound of her heels clicking against the pavement sounded like the hands of the clock ticking forcing me into urgency. She led the way through the shadows and traffic lights, down the tunnels and past the turnstiles. I could only follow not fully knowing what I was getting myself into. We talked, but very carefully. Each measuring their words like a new cook would measure his ingredients. I reached within to find the words that played so smoothly in my head, only to find myself fumbling with them making me sound like a stuttering retard. My only consolation is that she didn't seem to mind, she listened attentively and smiled graciously at everything I said. Knowing I was failing myself miserably, I search my pockets for a letter I wrote her at 1:45am the earlier evening. She unfolded it and read the short note with such interest that I was sure I was turning the tides. Her eyes lit up and she smiled uncontrollably while her eyes ran down the words on the paper and her mind and heart deciphered what they meant. I enjoyed watching her lips form the words as she read to herself, it was almost like she needed to hear it. I can only hope she could hear my voice in the entry and save me from this sudden flare up of foot and mouth disease that I seem to be experiencing. When she had finished she looked up and smiled and carefully tucked the letter away in her bag. She thanked me and asked for more. I could only agree to her wishes. I felt a bit more comfortable now, with each revelation I feel I've gotten one more burden off of my shoulders.
By the time we arrived at her apartment it was a little before one. The trip to her home seemed too quick, but I knew that the trip to my home would be so long. I walked her to her building door as promised and said goodnight with as little fanfare as possible. After hugging me she walked through the door as I watched till she turned the corner and went up the stairs. I must have walked home backwards, at least until I got to the 4 train. I kept wondering what she must think of me now. I kept wondering what I thought of myself.
As expected the train ride home was a long and tedious one. Filled with train delays, train transfers, and train no shows. But my short stint in hell was well worth the price for my time through heaven. As the train rumbled down the tracks and creaked and bellowed, I looked across myself at the blank wall and just pictured everything that took place earlier that night. Stop, fastforward, rewind, slow motion... it was like digital tv projected on the subway walls.
I got home at 2:47 exactly. I was dead tired but I knew the moment I layed my head down I would not sleep, too many pretty images would keep me awake. It would have been nice to close my eyes and dream, for now I'll have to dream with my eyes open.